It was not long after that infamous blog post that I recieved an invite from my parents to dinner at their home one evening. As this is not an uncommon occurance, and left me with the night off from dishes and standing over the stove, we graciously accepted. I had a work event that required far too much hand holding and spoon feeding for my taste and by the end I was tired. I headed to my parents home to meet my hubs and brother. Immediately upon entering the door my mother insisted I have a glass of wine... a strange request. Upon accepting the glass, my brother and I said, "ok what is going on?" This was not normal... To tell you the rest of this story, I must tell you this... My maternal grandmother passed away many years back, after a long battle with lung cancer. A few years after that, my maternal grandfather passed from similar complications after his lung cancer spread to his brain. I was saddened they would never see me get married, hold my babies, or, as was customary for them, have them continue to criticize my hair, makeup and general choices in life. They were a treat. But below the surface of their critque was more love for their family than I think we could have ever known... Fast forward to a few weeks ago, dinner at my parents... Mom explains that she received a phone call a few weeks prior from my uncle regarding a Life Insurance Policy that my grandparents had supposedly paid off not to long before their passing. As this seemed an unlikely situation, my mother did some research only to determine that it was legit. She told the company to split the monies into three checks for her and her brothers. Her next step was nothing short of miraculous. She took her check, and divided it in two. One for me and Pete, the other for my brother. For some time Peter and I have been back and forth with what to get for this baby. We knew the child could come at any time and for that purpose, we most definately needed a crib, and stroller. But what about those late night feedings? We had no rocking chair and of course the one we had fallen in love with was way beyond our price range. When some dear friends graciously donated us their crib, which is beautiful by the way, we had one thing off the list. Now, do we go with practical? or beautiful? This chair was incredible, a rocker, glider, and recliner! So fluffy and warm and perfect for the nursery we had started. But alas, we had resigned ourselves only a few nights before that the stroller would be the most necessary purchase, after all it came with the car seat and base for the car. We would surely need to get the child home safely, before we would need to rock him/her to sleep. We were ready to order the stroller the following week with money, my dear peter, had meticulously saved over the past several months. As my mother handed us the check, we froze. This money would cover the cost of the chair in full, shipping, taxes, even extra to cover a warranty. I had no words. There was nothing to say. A thank you of course, but does that really do the situation justice? My dear grandparents had unknowingly made a decision many years back, which probably seemed of little consequence at the time and yet now, it was going to fund the chair that I will rock my children to sleep in. The chair that will sometimes be turned into a bed during tummy bugs and fevers. The rythmic rocking and soothing sway will forever be a reminder of their heartbeats in our next life chapter. Three days later, we placed or orders and rode home in silence. For so long, it had seemed that we were on this journey alone, and rightfully so. At no point did we have any expectations of financial assistance. We made the decision to start this journey and were certainly not going to ask anyone to foot the bill on something that seemed unnecessary. Nice one God, Nice one.
As if that wasn't enough, just a few weeks after this moment of humbling, I went to the dentist. Just a typical cleaning and opportunity to be told about the importance of flossing. As I was checking out, many staff persons were asking about our adoption. My brother had been in only the week before and had shared some stories. Also, keep in mind that our town is typical of all in the south, if you ever took a misstep as a child, your mother knew before you did it. One familiar face spoke up and said, I know of a baby that needs a home here in town. I was taken aback, what do you say to this? I fumbled through some ridiculous response saying I hoped they found the right home. She continued, telling me that not only did he have a similar hair color to me and my husband, but, he was born on my birthday. Stop the presses. He was, what? .. I somehow made it to he car and then to a breakfast spot in town. I intended to grab a coffee before work, and bumped into my mom and Peter, meeting with youth before school. I shared the story and we all sat baffled at the amazing coincidence. But quickly, they moved on and off to work I went. I sat in my office, unable to shake the feeling that I needed to find out more. I called the dentist office and asked questions, shared our situation further, and began a journey. Two weeks, incalculable phone calls, late nights, paperwork, and more questions later... we are at a crossroads. The childs background is unsteady to say the least. He is only a few weeks old and in the care of our county foster system. There is very little I can share with you, except this... It seems the mom would be interested in working out an adoption plan with us, but the hoops of fire we still need to jump through to make that happen are only growing. When we finally contact the right person on the case, they said our paperwork looked good, but we might need references, and from the right people. Suddenly our minds started racing, who could we call... wait, who couldn't we call? The list was endless, friends, family, community members, church members... These people who all along have said, tell me what I can do, I want to help. While their voices were not silenced to us, we certainly were not going to take advantage of them and what was there for them to do? Yet again, Nice one God. We had been so consumed in completing this journey ourselves. We didn't want anyone to feel obligated to help, and yet they wanted to be involved. We had closed our eyes away from the community that was not only wanting to help, but wanted ownership in this process with us. I am constantly asked where we are in the process, or when I will post again on this blog. You are excited, and happy for us. Peter and I had reserved any excitement or joy in the process for later. We might have seemed indifferent to the smiles and well wishes you sent, only because we can't be excited yet. We can't get our hopes up. Self preservation in its finest. But you, YOU have carried our torch of joy and rekindled the fire in our hearts that ultimately, this journey will end, or rather, begin, with a child.
For me, I knew God had called me to adoption. It had always been a part of how I would grow my family. Once I started the journey, I checked God at the door. "Thanks dude for getting me to this point and lighting the way, I will take it from here!" To which he then proverbially, laughed in my face. Not a-typical in our relationship. He has always found humor in my planning over the years. As for this situation, or opportunity, if you will. We have no idea what will come of it. But we do know of this great community we have and how indescribably blessed we are. It has opened my eyes to the great tapestry at work. I have felt all along, in control, ready to take action if needed. When they told me our homestudy would take three months, Peter and I finished it in 3 weeks. When we were told our profiles would take 2 months to compile information for, we finished it in 5 days. We have done everything there is do to in preparation. And while I sat impatiently wondering what the in hell God was waiting on, I was ready!, it is funny how much he has been working behind the scenes to paint the great masterpiece of our lives. The best explanation I can give you is below. I know there is a point to each piece of this puzzle, and each stroke of the brush is neccessary to reach the desired end, I cannot see the final outcome now, but I know when we get there, the picture will be more beautiful than I can imagine and nothing like what I had "planned."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wXsQbzBQ6ck
1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
from where will my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
4 He who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is your keeper;
the Lord is your shade at your right hand.
6 The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
8 The Lord will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time on and for evermore.
-Psalm 121
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