2013... holy crap we could have a kid this year. That is a bizarre thought. The holidays afforded me many wonderful opportunities; time with my family, time off work, parties, gifts, the list goes on. And yet, I did not have one moment to stop and rest. It seems that even though we chose to stay home for the holidays this year, we were still bouncing from one event to the next. In hindsight it was the best gift of all. I didn't have one moment to stop and think that this was the holiday season that I had planned on sharing with a little one.
When Peter and I first started "trying" oh so long ago I was sure the 2012 christmas would be one filled with taking on the role of Santa and setting up traditions for the family we would surely have. Funny... those moments when you realize God is laughing at your well thought out and incredibly detailed "plans." When we decided to move into the adoption route my heart finally settled and the stress in our lives melted away. I was able to spend my free time, formally focused on the detailed pictures inside my head of the perfect way to tell our families we were expecting, now in a more productive manner. I stayed up late nights (with Peter as well!) researching, formatting bank statements, writing autobiographies and somehow my new focus made more sense. Surely this is how EVERYONE should have babies. For some strange reason this system of proving our worth to governments, agencies and now the birth parent has seemed the most natural way for us got go about bringing a baby into our lives. With our profiles finally going live shortly before Christmas, there were parties to attend, cakes to bake and little time to feel like we were "waiting."
And yet tonight... Peter is off to the church chili cookoff and I am taking a Sunday evening to myself. Texting my sisters (sis-in-laws, but same thing) and almost feeling like there is a baby in the next room... at least there should be. I totally trust the process we are on and long ago gave my worry back to God. I know the time will be perfect when it happens. I know there is a greater plan for us than we could have ever made for ourselves. I know that... and still, on quiet nights, I can't help but look foward to the nights that aren't so quiet. The ones filled with tears and comforting, milk-induced baby comas and a kitchen sink full of dirty dishes because listening to baby giggles was far more important. I know that time is coming.
We made a baby bag with onesies and diapers, filled with all the fixin's of baby needs. Peter, being the wonderful husband that he is found the perfect neutral onesie for us, just in case we had to dash out the door. It is white with a green turtle and the phrase "Worth the Wait." Too perfect and also comforting, for I know that in the end this child will surely be worth every moment of wait.
Still running the race, fighting the fight, and keeping the faith,
B
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